


It's Just Medicine

by AmyNoodles



Category: Scrubs (TV)
Genre: Cancer, Character Death, Depression, Eventual JDox, Eventual Smut, Gay, dying
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-25 08:09:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13830036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmyNoodles/pseuds/AmyNoodles
Summary: JD is dying of cancer. This story follows his last fews months, as told through character’s journals, post-it notes, texts, pages and patient charts.Eventual JDox.(A narrative twist on the usual types of fanfiction - hope it adds a breath of fresh air to a typically cliche plotline).





	1. Urgent - Hurry.

**Chapter One**

_ ‘Oh, you can watch it when you get a bit older _

_ But for now in the bad bits, I should cover your eyes _

_ She painted pictures with the tips of her fingers _

_ Sewing buttons to Bambi, tying strings to a kite,’ _

-Bambi, Tokyo Police Club 

 

***

**PAGE:** Dr Turk (221) to Dr Cox (324)

 

_ JD had a seizure in ICU.  _

_ Turk Surgeon ICU Room 4.  _

_ Urgent - hurry.  _

 

*** 

**JD’s Journal**

 

_ Wednesday, 28th February. _

 

The annoying thing about being a doctor - amongst the horrible patients, horrible hours, horrible debt and horrible pay - is knowing everything that can go wrong. A cold is never simply a cold - it could be heart failure, pneumonia, an STD. 

 

So, obviously my mind is jumping to all sorts of conclusions considering I had a  _ seizure  _ in the middle of ICU yesterday. 

 

It’s one thing to understand how something works medically, and another to experience it. I remember some of it. I was standing in the ICU, with Turk, who was doing a surgical consultation. Then this  _ feeling  _ washed over me, like I had just dived into a pool and the water had came over me. This peculiar feeling of deja vu, then… nothing. 

 

I think I came to when I was being thrown onto a gurney, but I passed out again after that. I don’t remember a specific point of ‘ _ Ah! I’m awake now _ !’ - just more and more consciousness until I was able to stay awake again. 

 

They won’t let me home, so I’m sitting here hooked up to an IV in a private room, waiting for tests to figure out why I actually had a seizure in the first place. Despite me trying not to let onto my panic, Carla used her witchy-Dominican sixth sense to realise I needed some comfort. She stayed in my room for God knows how long, holding my hand, staying stuff like,  _ ‘Bambi, you’ll be fine, it’s probably just one of those freaky things that happen for no reason. Worse case, you get put on anti-seizures,’.  _ But honestly? I think she was saying that for herself more than me. 

 

Turk just slapped me on the arm and said, ‘ _ You’re gonna be alright man _ ,’ before nodding slightly, and leaving. I’d hoped for a little more, but it’s Turk. I’ll be close to death before he tells me how he really feels. Poor CB, not being in touch with his feelings. Although it was him that actually told me I’d taken two seizures (a fact Carla and Elliot seemed keen to keep from me… for some reason), both grand mal. 

 

Elliot, as much as I love her, was totally useless. Remember what I wrote when dad died? It was like that again. She doesn’t handle too well with stuff like this. Carla dragged her out shortly after her sixth, ‘ _ You know… _ ’ Well, she dragged her out  _ after  _ Elliot told me I’d wet myself in front of everyone. Thanks, Elliot, if you’re ever reading this. I needed to know that. 

 

Dr Cox hasn’t been by yet. I’m not really sure why. Maybe because he got to watch me soil myself in front of everyone I hold dear? I’d like to see him, for him to come through, but I guess I always hold my expectations too high when it comes to him. 

 

Everyone keeps telling me this’ll be a one off. A non-epileptic seizure. Or, at worse, a diagnosis of epilepsy, and some medication. They’re saying this because they think I’m healthy otherwise. 

 

But I’m not. I’ve been getting headaches, and a little fatigue - something I was trying to put down to overworking. But I’m a doctor, and doctors don’t get to ‘put down’ an illness, and they don’t get to ignore it. 

 

They always know when it’s something else. 

 

I’m getting the tests tomorrow - at least I’ll have answers. Not much of a comfort though. What is better? Knowing you’re sick or blissful ignorance?

 

***

 

**Note on Turk and Carla’s Fridge:**

 

_ Remember! Bring in clothes, hair wax and Cheers boxset for JD tomorrow.  _


	2. What am I going to do now?

**Chapter Two**

_ ‘No one laughs at God in a hospital _

_ No one laughs at God in a war _

_ No one's laughing at God _

_ When they've lost all they've got and they don't know what for,’ _

-Laughing With, Regina Spektor 

 

***

 

**Texts between My Superman <3 (Chris Turk) and Mah Womahn! (Carla Espinosa) **

 

**My Superman <3: ** Baby, have you been to see JD today? Something weird happened… 

 

**Mah Womahn!:** Did you finally kiss? Not weird - just expected. 

 

**My Superman <3: ** No! I’m serious - he was trying to talk to me and his speech went funny. 

 

**Mah Womahn!:** ???

 

**My Superman <3: ** He was trying to ask me when his MRI was - but he got muddled up on his words. Couldn’t remember what an MRI was, or what it was called, or whatever. Looked really confused, acting as if he was speaking clearly. It was like he didn’t even know he was struggling.

 

**Mah Womahn!:** :/ 

 

*** 

 

**JD’s Journal**

 

_ Thursday 1st March _

 

CT Scan. MRI. EEG. Neurological Exam.

CT Scan. MRI. EEG. Neurological Exam.

 

I don’t know why I wrote that twice - I’ve been a bit forgetful lately. Nothing that concerns me. Well - it concerns me  _ now.  _ I’ve been feeling poked and prodded at all day. I’m on watch - like a zoo animal. I’ve been keeping track of everything I’m getting done. Being organised is somewhat relaxing. Somewhat.

  
Turk was in earlier, I think something is wrong with him too cause I was sitting there trying to ask him when my MRI was, and he just looked confused. Even after I explained to him what I meant. He’s probably just working too hard. 

 

Dr Cox still hasn’t came. I tried to pass it off casually, asking Carla if he was working today. All she did was smile sadly and say, ‘ _ He’ll come, Bambi. Eventually _ .  _ You know what Cox is like - give him a little time,’.  _ I’m hurt - more than I want to let on. For all his rants and anger, there is something so wonderfully comforting about him, and I need that right now. 

 

I asked Elliot for pain medication for my headache, and her faced dropped, and she mumbled ‘ _ Yeah, um, okay _ ’ before darting out. I know what they’re thinking about all these symptoms and I know what they’re testing for, but I refuse to acknowledge it in writing unless it comes true. Call it superstition? Maybe.  

 

I hope I don’t have to wait too long to these results. If I get them tonight I’ll update you. If not, well, I won’t. 

 

Fingers crossed. It’s getting real now. 

 

***

 

**PAGE:** Dr Zeltzer (452) to Dr Reid (289)

 

_ John Dorian results ready.   _

_ Zeltzer Oncologist Floor 3 Room 2 _

_ Urgent - Within the hour.  _

 

***   
  


**PAGE:** Dr Reid (289) to Dr Turk (221), Dr Cox (234), Nurse Espinosa (178)

 

_ JD’s results ready.  _

_ Reid Attending ICU Desk.  _

_ Urgent - come now.  _

 

***

  
  
**Medical Chart Record**

 

**Date:** 29 Feb.

**Family Name:** Dorian

**Given Name:** John 

**Age:** 28

**Gender:** Male

 

**History of Present Illness (HPI)**

 

_ Seizures, headaches, forgetfulness, speech problems.  _

 

**Physical Exam**

 

_ Lack of coordination. Otherwise healthy. _

 

**Past Medical/Social/Family History and Meds/Allergies**

 

_ Appendectomy.  _

_ No other history.  _

_ No meds. No allergies. No known drug allergies. _

 

**Diagnosis**

 

_ Brain cancer manifesting in temporal lobe tumor.  _

 

**Treatment**

 

_ TBC post-biopsy.  _

 

*** 

 

**JD’s Journal**

 

_ Friday 2nd March  _

 

I did get my results yesterday. Turns out I wasn’t really in the mood to write afterall.

 

When Dr Cox walked into my room himself, and sat on the end of my bed holding the chart in his hand - I knew what he was going to say before he opened his mouth. It’s important I write this all down before I burst, so this is what happened:

 

_ ‘Look, Newbie - ‘  _

 

_ ‘It’s cancer isn’t it? A brain tumor?’  _ I had interrupted. It didn’t even feel like the words had came out my mouth, but they did. 

 

Dr Cox had sighed, and simply yeah,  _ ‘Yeah. Yeah, it is,’ _

 

I sat back at this point, and let out a low breath. I wasn’t sure how I would react if I got the news, but apparently I chose to be calm and resigned. 

 

_ ‘This isn’t a death sentence, Newbie, there is a lot we can do and this isn’t going to-’ _

 

This is where I interrupted Dr Cox again. Normally I wouldn’t be one for stopping him speaking, for fear of punishment, but at that moment I didn’t care. 

 

_ ‘When is my biopsy?’  _ I asked him, lowly. I remember how different I sounded in that moment. 

 

_ ‘Tomorrow, but look, JD, you need to-’  _

 

‘ _ Let them in,’  _

 

I remember during Dr Cox’s attempt to break the news to me, I could see Turk, Carla and Elliot standing at the window to my room trying to not watch. I couldn’t stand it. That’s why I stopped Dr Cox before he could set off into a pep talk about making cancer my beeyotch (my words - not his). 

Normally I would jump at the chance to hear a kind word from my mentor; the man I idealized, ~~the man I love~~. I would have been glad he even came. But that didn’t matter at that moment.

 

I think Dr Cox gave up at this point, because that’s when he just stood up and opened the door. I thought ( ~~hoped~~ ) he’d come back in, but he just walked away. I was swarmed by my friends at that point, and too distracted to see what he was doing.

 

But yeah...

 

I have cancer. 

 

What do I do now?

 

***

 

**Texts between Carla E. (Carla Espinosa) and Cranky Pants (Perry Cox)**

 

**Carla E.:** You need to talk to Bambi. He’s not taking it well.

 

**Carla E.:** He’s just sitting in bed, staring off into space. He’s barely responding. 

 

**Carla E.:** For some reason he listens to you, so please talk to him. Make him talk about his feelings. 

 

**Carla E.:** Answer me. 

 

**Carla E.:** ?

 

**Cranky Pants:** Of course he isn’t taking it well - he has cancer. Please stop texting me - I'm very busy.

 

**Carla E.:** Ass. 

 

***

 

**Note on Turk and Carla’s fridge:**

 

_ Remember! Phone Dan. JD won’t. _

**Author's Note:**

> My medical knowledge is not perfect, so bare with me.   
> The only thing I'm sure I know a lot about is epilepsy, because I have it. 
> 
> This isn't set during a particular time, by the way, so if anything seems 'off' in the Scrubs verse timeline, it doesn't matter too much.


End file.
